It was… well… lemme tell ya. I DON’T have a medical fetish. And my tech was a woman… pretty… mid-20’s… blonde… wearing pink scrubs dotted with teddy bears. Being rather heterosexual… I’m NOT attracted to women in lab coats… no matter how nice they are. Nor do I have a thing for pink and teddy bears. So the whole experience was rather… um… awkward. At times… slightly uncomfortable… because there is nothing “exciting” about getting probed down there when it’s not in a sexual contest. (At least for me. YMMV.) But yet it’s not the same speculum, swab, scrape, and “OHMYGODDON’TPUSHTHERETHAT’SMYGONADNOTAFRICKENSTRESSBALL” that is your standard pap smear and well-woman exam.
A vaginal ultrasound… well… it’s bizarre to say the least… especially when you’re getting it for some other reason than to see your little tadpole. I imagine the excitement over seeing one’s soon to be spawn overrides the weirdness of being masturbated by a stranger with a camera.
(FYI. I have a benign cyst on one ovary that was screwing around with my cycle. No worries folks.)
And with that in the back of my head… I heard this while listening to NPR this morning…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/30/mandatory-ultrasound-bill-virginia-anti-abortion_n_1242627.html
If you don’t wanna click… here’s a short quote that just about sums it all up…
To protest a bill that would require women to undergo an ultrasound before having an abortion, Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell (D-Fairfax) on Monday attached an amendment that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.
"We need some gender equity here," she told HuffPost. "The Virginia senate is about to pass a bill that will require a woman to have totally unnecessary medical procedure at their cost and inconvenience. If we're going to do that to women, why not do that to men?"
OK. I’ve been hearing about the debate going on in Virginia and Texas over the “Show me the fetus” laws… but I had no idea that a) It was going to be at the woman’s expense as part of the abortion procedure. b) They wanted a VAGINAL ultrasound.
Without getting any more graphic… let me explain this to men...
Imagine going to your doctor for a “wand check” and having to maintain a stiffy for 10 minutes while someone "examined" it with a “sleeve” that subtly mimics its intended non-excretory usage… INCLUDING the liberal application of warm lubricant… but is being done by some big hairy guy named Bruce wearing a lab coat who is telling you to hold still and relax. (Unless you’re gay or bi and into bears… then see the description of my radiology tech above.) And the price of this awkwardness... around $600.00.
How excited would you be about it… REGARDLESS of why you were getting the examination?
It’s legislative punishment. Pure and simple. But it’s not punishment for an actual transgression. Because getting pregnant and not wanting to keep your baby… OR to go through the physical trauma and health risk of pregnancy and childbirth for the sole reason of providing your offspring to someone else to raise… IS NOT A CRIME. I have a right to make decisions for things that happen within my body. And as a woman… I also have a right to be able to boink another consenting adult without signing up for 18 years of childcare.
Men lie about their vasectomies. Condoms break. Diaphragms move. Cervical caps slip. IUDs fail. Pills get forgotten. Or God forbid you read the Republican Guide to Sex Education and now believe one of the many myths like… “You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex” or “If you douche after sex you won’t get pregnant.” Or you’re too poor for birth control… or you're functionally illiterate and can’t use a calendar. (Not downing on folks who can't read... or read ENGLISH.)
On a more sinister note…rape happens… and so does incest. Women can get manipulated into a sexual encounter for money… a place to stay… food on the table… or a sense of security. There can be drugs and addiction involved. The moral question of having sex doesn’t matter. Where sex and intimacy is concerned… the ability to make a good decisions isn’t always there… and sometimes there’s only the ability to make the “least horrible decision” available to you. And sometimes that decision is having sex even when you don't really want to.
There are a thousand reasons why sex leads to pregnancy… and they don’t mean the woman is using abortion as a form of birth control.
So… rectal exam and cardiogram before getting your happy pills? Why stop there? Why not require that the man also be straight, married, and have a wife who is still fertile? Because EVERYONE KNOWS that the only reason to have sex is to procreate. So why would you want an erection if it wasn’t for the specific purpose of having sex to have children? (Cue Monty Python’s “Every Sperm is Sacred.”)
No comments:
Post a Comment